Nirvana

Nirvana

Monday, May 22, 2017

Tap! Tap! Tap! Enter the Contest! And Make a Treat to Encourage You Do Just That!!!

Don't forget to send your pictures! You know what I'm talking about, right? What? You missed it? Go HERE. Right now!!!! Not even kidding. I'm waiting. Now send those pictures. Facething them. Twirp, tweet or toot them. But just do it! 

Now. Here's a bonus, fun recipe.  So easy!!!!! And tasty!!!! 

1 bag chocolate chips
2 TBSP peanut butter
Melt together. 
Add 4 cups rice krispy cereal. 

Drop and press into greased muffin tins. Sprinkle the top with crushed candy bars or mini m&m's and press with the back of a spoon. Pop into fridge. Makes 18-24. It's like a crackle bar or nestles bar on steroids. (And not the ones to help you breathe or lessen your arthritis pain. Ha. Ha. A little retirement park humor!)


Pop them out when solid. Place in a container. Keep in the fridge so you don't have melty hot messes. Enjoy. 

Monday, May 15, 2017

Announcement, Announcement, Announcement!!!!


Oh, the craft sale was glorious! I sold so many beautiful bouquets. One sweet gal told me that she follows me! That she had been counting down the days to the craft sale so she could restock her arrangements.

Oh my! I had to fan my face for a full 15 minutes after that. Little ol me has a groupie. Or is it a roadie if they travel to get to you? Oh, whatever it is. I'm so thrilled!

Since the shops are still full of Mother's Day goodies (at a discount now!) and since Memorial Day is just around the corner. Anyone can find some great silks at a decent price.

We are going to have a contest. Yes. That's right!!!!!!


A contest showcasing your beautiful bouquet pictures. All you have to do to enter is tweet or FB a photo of a glorious bouquet put together by you or someone else. No matter. Enter as often as you like.


Contest closes on 6-15-17 at midnight. 


Three categories.

Three prizes!!!!!!!!!!

Zula's Favorite - A gift card to Hobby Lobby in the amount of $20.00. (Winner chosen by Zula.)


Fern's Favorite - A gift card to Trader Joe's where you can buy inexpensive and beautiful real flowers. (Winner chosen by Fern.) 


Wild Card - A signed copy of the novel Out of the Frying Pan plus a $10.00 Amazon e-card. (This is a random winner, no floral expertise needed. Enter as often as you like with the same picture using Twitter and sharing on Facebook.)


Two ways to enter.

1)  Post the jpg picture to twitter and copy and paste this:  "Zu-fer bouquet explosion! #contest #giveaway #giftcard #freebook http://bit.ly/2r8dxuY@MichelleGriep and @KellyKlepfer Enter to win!"

2)  Post the jpg picture to Facebook with the following copied and pasted (or link if you prefer once there.): "FernandZula Kelly Klepfer. Zu-fer bouquet explosion. Enter to win. #contest #giveaway. http://bit.ly/2r8dxuY 


Tell me which of the above you did and send your picture to me at kelly.klepfer@gmail.com. You will get an entry to the wild card prize for each time you do the Twitter and Facebook options so tweet every day if you'd like. 







Monday, May 8, 2017

One More Week! Then Bam!

I wish this was how I felt. Tranquilly floating on the water, soaking up sunshine!

But how I really feel is like my hair-rollers-were-wound-too-tight-and-my-shoes-pinch-my-pinkies-and-I'm-wearing-my-most-uncomfortable-intimate-garment crazy. 

I know. I know! I bring this upon myself. No one forced me to sign up for the big craft fair. But I just love crafts so much. And flowers. So I must carry on! 

Next weekend is the big blitz. My Friday and Saturday I'll be making some mad money as those glorious bouquets find a new home. My stuff will be flying off the table. It will be worth it. 

Until next week. I do remind you to check out Fern's ongoing saga here

Monday, May 1, 2017

Balls of JOY and FLOWERS!

Whoooeeee. You'd think that Fern was the cook and dessert diva in these parts right about now. Not true in any sense of ANY of those words. I just happen to be decollate deep in flowers right now. Oh, what a problem to have!

Not real flowers. Silk bouquets. There is a craft sale of all craft sales down the road a bit in three weeks and I have been finding treasures to turn into display pieces. Oh, if only you could see them.

Anyway. Fern has been cooking for both of us while I slave away and burn off my fingerprints with the glue gun. Did you know that if you burn your skin enough times that can happen? Wait. Apparently that's not true. Fern just googled it. Sigh. But it seems like it would be permanent, but any aspiring criminals need to know that they grow back in the same pattern. Turn back, repent of your plans.

Fern made dessert last night. She's on a super health kick. No added sugar. Only naturally occurring sugar. Like frozen bananas whirred into ice cream. That's real. And tasty. I did add a spoonful of peanut butter to mine, and maybe a handful of chocolate chips. Delicious. I may add that to my recipe repertoire.

She "couldn't" give me an actual recipe for her Almond Joy Bites. I watched her and it appeared that she used about even amounts (approx 1 cup each) of almonds and pitted dates, about a 1/2 cup of toasted coconut and 1/3 cup of cocoa nibs (these are totally unsweetened cocoa bits but taste completely like bitter chocolate. They are pricey so you could use chocolate chips and get away with it, but do NOT say this to her, she will give you the stinko face.) She then whipped those ingredients together in her food processor until uniform and mixed. Squeeze a bit between your fingers and try to form a ball or bar shape. If too sticky she said to add more nuts, a handful, if too prone to fall apart 3-4 dates. They should stay together and form tight little nuggets of deliciousness. And they are delicious!!!!

Gotta go take care of my flowers. I hear them screaming for my attention. "Zula! Zula!" 

And don't forget Fern's Portrait! (the ongoing story saga...dnh, duduh, dnh (dramatic music!) 

Ta! Loves, TA! 

Monday, April 24, 2017

Stories from Paradise - Fern's Portrait

http://amzn.to/2ndM0qv
Fern and I are doing a little storytelling for fun. 

Every day we'll load a line into this post and build an ongoing story and we'll uhhh toot? No, twirp...like chirp but it's a bird symbol webbie thing. Anyway. We'll add a bit of the story there at that website thing with the bird and here and people can click on it and come see the whole story as it unfolds here. Does that sound like fun? You know it. So fun! So come back every single day so you can follow the story as it unfolds. 

So first we will start with Fern's story. 

We will call it. 



Fern's Portrait

A fog of Brut announced Delbert's arrival a full minute before Fern heard the scritch-scratch of his shoes sliding across the linoleum. The tension in her shoulders ratcheted righty-tighty. She couldn't stop a sigh. Not that he'd hear it. As bad as that sounded, the thought really wasn't an unkind one about a shuffling elderly man, half deaf because of infirmary. Instead it was just the dad-blamed truth about a man as stubborn and clueless as any could be. And she had a bounty of experience with stubborn and clueless in her 67 years. 

"Ferny. How's it going today?" 

Following a snort-laugh, Delbert's unwelcome words destroyed her peace as she set her paintbrush down on her palette and turned to face him. 

"Great, Delbert. I hope you won't be offended if I continue to work on my project."  

She turned sideways, back to the canvas, hoping and wishing that today he wouldn't take the conversation to the bad place. But he always did.

"Makes no difference to me. I like any view." He hacked and spit into her sink.

She fought a gag.

"So." He chuckled slightly. Here it came. It was coming. 
Maybe she didn't need to hear the words again. With a quick flick of the wrist she tipped her water over and it sloshed onto the linoleum. "Oh, goodness. How clumsy.You better stay back, you don't want to slip."

Welcome silence reigned for a moment while she bent to sop up the liquid, then came the wheezy chortle. "This might be my favorite view."

A small, white-hot flame of indignation burned in her gut as she wiped up the water.
In not wanting to hear his disgusting request, she was subjected again to his disrespect. How did one turn the other cheek in this type of situation? Or was it time to once and for all put the absolute fear of God
     ...to be continued...

Monday, April 17, 2017

This Just In...

Before I reveal whether or not Fern wore the tasteful hat I made for her...before I reveal another annoying thing about that woman! Before I share the weather catastrophe that ruined my outfit...before I share Fern's recipe I want to share this. Our story of murder and mayhem is on sale. Well better than that. It's on sale for free if you have one of those reader devices. Click here to go there. 

That is correct. For two days. It's free. No excuses not to read about how Fern and I helped to save all of Paradise. It's really a big deal. Bad stuff was going down. And with our help Detective Flynn saved the day (and a damsel, but I'm not supposed to talk about the "relationship" anymore, but between you and me, I'm expecting wedding bells. Fern's going to kill me, again.) I'll tell you, though, keeping Paradise safe is worth all the scars I received while nearly laying down my life for my neighbors. 

And. Fern did NOT wear the hat. Did NOT. But even if she had it would have probably not been on for long. 

Go get your free book. (there are others, too. Here's a list.) 
Murder of a Manuscript                                                                                              
Shock the Clock                                                                                                          
Common Mistakes Writers Make: Editing and Proofreading                                                
Firsts In Fiction: First Line Hooks, Hints & Help                                                      
Crashing Into Love - Where Personal Tragedies, Faith, & Love Collide                   
The Chamomile                                                                                                           
Out of the Frying Pan   (By the way, this does have 4.3 stars out of 5...so not only is it our story, but it's a good story...Just sayin.)                                                                                               
Searching for Sanity - Help for Moms from Moms of the Bible                                
Racin' Flat Out for Christ - Daily Devotions for NASCAR Fans                              
Why You Do What You Do - Your Personality is the Key  

And come back next week where I will share all the promised details in the first paragraph. Now. I have some serious cleanup to do! 

Monday, April 10, 2017

Decorative Quandary

I have a problem. You'll know what I mean if you keep reading. 

Conversation between me and Fern: 

Me: Fern, please let me make you an Easter bonnet?!?!?! Please. PLEASE!!!!!

Fern: Not if it was made of gold and diamond encrusted Benjamins, Zula. That means no!

Me: But you would look so beautiful in the elegant bonnet I have pictured in my mind. Please!

Fern:  Sigh. What about my first answer did you not understand, Zula? I am not Easter bonnet material. I do not want to parade around like a silly matron who thinks she looks good with a garden party on her head. 

Me: But, Fern, I almost died last year. This is my first Easter where I really feel like I can celebrate life fully after staring the Grim Reaper in the eye. I want you to celebrate with me. 

Fern: It was a flesh wound, Zula! You are going to annoy me every day with this request. Fine! If it will quiet you, make me a hat and if it's not ridiculous I'll wear it for 5 minutes. 

You see it?!? She gave her permission. She made a promise. 

But I don't know what to do to pull off a hat she won't hate. Should you need a visual. Mine is covered with red paper roses. I've been making them for 2 days and have broken a nail and burned my fingerprints off. I didn't just cover the hat with paper roses. Ooooh that's a goodie and oldie. Paper Roses. Hummm, hum, humity-hum. 

Anyhoo. I'm adding a ribbon/rose train. It is going to be magnificent. I've made a hundred roses and probably need to make a hundred more to make this the most epic Easter bonnet, ever!!! 

But what do I do for Fern?!? Part of me wants to make paper roses out of brown grocery bags but that's not going to fly. What she'd like would be as exciting as a paper plate and I just can't! 

Monday, April 3, 2017

Free Book and Minestroneyumm Soup

This just in! A copy of our story is being given away! Go here http://bit.ly/2nBaveJ ! 

Now here we go! To the other good stuff! I'm the best at scratch cooking. Not tooting my own horn, I'm just stating the facts. One day I might have to share testimonials to this fact. I have a notebook full of statements, comments and a blue ribbon from every state fair I've ever entered! 

But being a good cook means choosing your battles. I have to decide if I want to spend my time and energy on creativity or chopping things. Now. I love the feeling of chopping. It's a very satisfying stress reliever (especially with Fern around...I do so much chopping therapy) and the released scents can be just heavenly. But I will use a food processor like nobody's business if one will be a useful tool and free me up to be creative! 

That said I am not opposed to dump and go type meals. Soups are one of these. 


Today I share my minestrone style soup. Using fresh, frozen or canned ingredients you can make a restaurant quality soup. Delicious!

To cut down on sodium use home prepped dry beans, a homemade pesto and frozen or fresh veggies.

1 can of kidney beans (approx 15 ounce) (dump the juices down the sink, rinse and drain) 
1 can of white or great northern beans (approx 15 ounce) (dump the juice down the sink, rinse and drain) (use your own home canned beans 1 and 3/4 cups if you like) 
2 cans of diced tomatoes with garlic, basil and oregano (approx 15 ounce each) (you could substitute chunky spaghetti sauce here.) (Or chopped fresh or canned tomatoes and add dried Italian spice (about a TBSP) and 2 - 3 cloves minced garlic)
Veggie broth (or chicken) (approx 4-5 cups) 
1 Cup of pesto sauce (you can use one that you've created, your favorite recipe, or store bought) 
1 Can of chopped spinach or 1 1/2 cups chopped frozen or fresh
1 Can (13-16 ounce) vegetable of choice. I used asparagus for kicks. I think I will use artichoke hearts in the future or green beans.
1 Cup pasta of choice. 
A Handful of quinoa Rinse it first if it's not prewashed. The package will say so.  

Put everything but the pasta in a crock or soup pot and stir well. Simmer for 4-6 hours. Add the dry pasta an hour before serving. Stir well and continue simmering.  

Monday, March 27, 2017

Spring Flowers and Book Sales !!!!

SALE!!!!
Yawn! Oh, that is so unladylike. I must just say it was a whirlwind of a weekend. Did you know I had a booth at a huge craft fair? Probably not, unless Fern has been whining about it. Goodness gracious, she knows I go all out a few times a year, you'd think she'd be used to it by now. 

This year I came up with some doozies. I sold several floral arrangements from my collection of silk beauties. I made enough money to restock and refill my craft closet. Now that Memorial Day is just around the corner, that money is going to stretch quite nicely. I think I'll grab some after Easter bargains, too. Don't you think a spring bouquet is just the thing to make you hope out of bed and shout "Good Morning!" 

Speaking of good morning and bargains... Our story is on sale for two days. 

For a mere $.99 (that's less than a gas station coffee!) you can download our story and read about some serious hubba-hubba heroes (and heroines) and a couple of damsels in distress. 

Tootle-doo...I have some craft supply plotting to do. 

Monday, March 20, 2017

Just Getting Right To It. Applesauce Cake by Fern

Zula makes an applesauce cake that needed just a bit of tweaking to make it healthier. So here it is. Fernified. 

2 Cups flour
1 Cup oatmeal
1/2 tsp salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon
2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 Cup sugar
2/3 Cup melted coconut oil
2 eggs or 2 Fern eggs (2 TBSP ground flax combined with 6 TBSP milk = 2 eggs)
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 1/2 Cups applesauce
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 Cup chopped walnuts or pecans. 

Preheat the oven to 350. Grease a pan or pans.

Mix the dry ingredients in a bowl including nuts. Make the Fern eggs in a medium bowl, add the remainder of the wet ingredients. If the coconut oil hardens because of the milk just stick the bowl in the preheating oven for a minute or zap in the microwave for a few seconds. Pour the dry into the wet or wet into the dry and stir just until combined. Pour into two greased cake pans or a greased 9 x 13. Bake approximately 20 minutes. Test for doneness with a knife. There should be moist crumbs. Remove from oven. You could probably make this a bundt cake and bake for 35 minutes. That's according to Zula. 

In a small bowl mix applesauce and powdered sugar until you get a glaze the consistency of what you want. Approximately 1 cup sugar to 1/4 cup applesauce.  Add a dash of cinnamon if you desire. Drizzle the glaze over the cooled cake. 

What I changed: decreased oil and sugar amounts, omegas and fiber with the flaxseed. 

Okay, Zula. I'm done posting for the month.  

Monday, March 13, 2017

Zula's Siren Cinnamon Muffins

I let someone else do the typing! I just got my nails done. And I'm not feelin' the need to click, click, click. So I just copied and pasted. Win! Win! I gave the recipe to the author. So I appreciate that she included my ownership! WIN! That's Win! Win! Win! for the Win!

You will love these. I promise.


Zula’s Siren Cinnamon Muffins
By Michelle Griep

I love to cook, so getting into character for my latest co-authored release, Out of the Frying Pan, was particularly fun.

Main character Zula Hopkins is renowned for her sweet culinary skills at the Sunset Paradise Retirement Community. These muffins are her go-to recipe for attracting male suitors—and it’s the first thing she whips up to garner the attention of Detective Jared Flynn for her niece KC. Here’s the recipe . . .

Siren Cinnamon Muffins

2 cups flour
¾ cup sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
pinch of salt
¾ cup buttermilk
¼ cup melted butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 large egg
8 ounces sour cream
2/3 cup cinnamon chips
Streusel: 1 package instant cinnamon oatmeal

  1. Preheat oven to 375 and grease your muffin tins.
  2. Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, soda, and salt in a bowl. Make a well in center of mixture.
  3. Dump the rest of the ingredients (except for the instant oatmeal) into the well and stir until mixed. The batter will be rather thick.
  4. Fill muffin tins 2/3 full then sprinkle the instant oatmeal over the top.
  5. Bake at 375 for 18 minutes.

I’m not going to lie. These bad boys are slightly addicting. This recipe makes about 15 muffins so you’ll probably want to double it because they are some kind of good!

Here’s some food for your soul as well . . . One of my favorite Bible verses is Nahum 1:7.

“The Lord is good. A stronghold in the day of trouble. And He knows those who trust in Him.”

Muffins and God’s Word . . . it doesn’t get much better than that.

ABOUT THE BOOK ~ OUT OF THE FRYING PAN

Murder in Paradise whips life into a froth for FERN and ZULA HOPKINS. When the retirement center’s chef is found dead, the two ladies get folded in with the case. Their zany attempts to track down the killer land them in hot water with Detective JARED FLYNN. Should he be concerned about their safety—or the criminal’s?

But there are deadly ingredients none of them expect. Drugs. Extortion. International cartels. And worst of all…broken hearts, especially when the Hopkins sisters’ niece KC arrives on the scene.

Life at Sunset Paradise Retirement Village will never be the same.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR ~ MICHELLE GRIEP

Michelle Griep’s been writing since she first discovered blank wall space and Crayolas. She resides in the frozen tundra of Minnesota, where she teaches history and writing classes for a local high school co-op. Her latest release is OUT OF THE FRYING PAN, but historical romance is her usual haunt. THE CAPTIVE HEART releases in October. Follow her escapades at www.michellegriep.com or www.writerofftheleash.blogspot.com or stalk her on Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest.

Monday, March 6, 2017

Bananas, Bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Just in case you haven't made this cake. And you've got bananas just crying out to be saved from their frozen brown sticky state or limp, lackluster existence on your counter, you really must make this cake. If you are out of bananas or a banana hater you can use pumpkin. 

I made it again the other day and not one crumb remained. And this little moist beauty sat right next to one of June Findlay's peach pies. The cake went first. I need a blue ribbon, please. Is that the highest award? Why do I think purple is better? Is it? Then I need a purple ribbon. No. Let's just make that a rainbow of ribbons. This cake deserves a rainbow. 

Fern was all atwitter because I made it her way again with the flaxseed and such. 

(Speaking of Fern. I'm not supposed to mention this. I was actually forcefully FORBIDDEN! But I don't expect her to read this. She mentioned my comments were drivel one day when talking about the Paradise Paragraphs newsletter I edit. 

Well, drivel this, Dearest! 

Anyhoo...she's going on date number 2 tomorrow. Hmmmm maybe I should start concocting wedding canap├ęs. I could do it right under her nose since we are hoping that Kathryn and the detective start humming "Here Comes the Bride!" Ooooh! That gives me an idea!) 

DON'T FORGET THE AUTHOR GIVEAWAY!!!!!!! 1 WEEK LEFT! 

Banana Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting

Makes one deep sheet cake. Or a shallow sheet cake and 8 x 11 if you want a thinner cake and more of it. Or a 9 x 13 plus an 8 x 8.  Or good grief, cupcakes. About 40 of them. Heat your oven to 350.  Grease and flour a jelly roll pan. Or pans. Or fill your muffin tins with paper liners.

Cake

¾ Cup coconut oil (You may use butter if y’all think that’s better. I will say Fern's suggestion of coconut oil did add a different and tasty spin on this cake.)
3 Cups flour or whole wheat pastry flour
1 Cup water
½ Cup milk (¼ cup if using eggs instead of ground flaxseed)
2 TBSP ground flax seed (or 2 eggs and decrease milk amount as noted above)
2 Cups sugar
1 teaspoon slightly mounded baking soda
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla
1 ½ Cup or 4 ripe mashed bananas (or 1 1/2 Cup pumpkin puree)
Pinch of salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
Optional but recommended: 1-2 Cups chopped pecans or walnuts

Place the water, coconut oil (or butter) and milk into a saucepan. Bring to boil then remove from heat.

Place every other ingredient into a large mixing bowl where you have smashed the bananas. Pour the hot liquid over the other ingredients and mix very well.

Pour and spread into the prepared pan(s). Test the cake at 20 minutes. A toothpick or knife should come out clean or with wet crumbs. If wet give it an additional 5 minutes and test again. And repeat.

Frosting

½ package cream cheese (4 ounces)
4 Cups powdered sugar
dash of vanilla
1-2 TBSP milk, added 1 TBSP at a time.

Mix it to the consistency you want. I made mine pretty thick.

Spread over the cooled cake. Serves at least 20 people.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Fern Has an uhhhmmmm Event (DATE!!!!)

After Fern's recent non-relationship relationship she went into a bit of a slump. The old girl wouldn't even wear tinted lip balm. (Which is pretty much the only thing I can get her to slap on her face to make her appear lifelike. I swear to you she'll look so much better all dolled up in her casket than she does on her jaunts to art galleries or "taking in a museum." She has all that natural beauty just lying there unenhanced! One night, when I can't sleep, I'm going to sneak into her room and give her a makeover instead of my usual craft-craft-craft til I drop sessions. Who am I kidding? I won't. She's got a sharp right hook and knows how to use it!)

Anyhoo. She's going to a museum with a fella. A right handsome hottie-patotti. Margaret Baumen's brother. He came to visit Margaret one day last week and was besotted with Fern. And since she's only had Creepy Carl to deal with of late, she seemed quite interested as well. Humming "Here Comes the Bride," people. Not even kidding.

Anyway, the gentleman lives an hour from us. Mere child's play in the game of love. No dragons, no dark knights, just a quick drive. They are meeting up in the city for a learning adventure and coffee. Or as some of us would call it. A DATE!!!!!!!!!!!

Help me talk her into these shoes, some peach blush, and my Milky Way eyeshadow. And maybe a little Texas cheerleader lift to her hair? She could be stunning!

Oh, and don't forget the author giveaway! http://kellyklepfer.blogspot.com/2017/02/serials-and-scenarios-giveaway-fun.html

Friday, February 24, 2017

Monday, February 20, 2017

Note to "Those" Men from Fern

Warning! Registered weapons of mass destruction. 
This if Fern doing her due diligence with the blog. 

Zula has been pestering me for weeks but I've had nothing to say until right now. 

A certain man has recently caused me to come up with an excessive amount of words. Some have been posted in the dining hall as a warning to certain someones in the land of Paradise. But Paradise isn't the only location with snakes so I will share the boiled down version with you, Dear Readers. 

Never, elderly gentlemen of the world, is it okay to touch a woman without her permission. Nor is it okay to proposition or hint about certain subjects with a woman who has asked you to stop. 

Now this should be common sense. Would you go up to a nicely dressed business man or friendly waiter or burly bouncer type and squeeze his cheeks or chuck his chin and tell him he's much more handsome when he smiles? Hmmm that seems like it might net you a throat punch. Can I mention that  I am at the defcon throat punch level with you, Sir. Chuck my chin or squeeze my cheeks again and you will have a whole lot of hurt coming fast and furious. 

If I have not responded to your lame attempts at flirting chances are very, very high that I am not on any level attracted to you. So please, for the love of everything good and sweet, please, please, please stop with your cheesy pick-up lines. "Hey, did you leave a banana peel on the floor, cuz I've fallen hard for you." (In a retirement village? Are broken hips cute?) "If you were a painting you'd be a Rembrandt." (You know Rembrandt's work, or did you just pick the artist's name you've heard more than once?) 

Have these worked before? If so, go back to where you used them because they aren't flying here. And if you ever volunteer to model nude for one of my paintings again I will not be responsible for the things I might say or do. 

Fern out. 

Monday, February 13, 2017

Is Fern Actually Right?

I have a dilemma. No. It's not about my fashion sense as some have been rude enough to question. 

It's about my man. I'd write Dear Abby but she's been replaced by someone else. Only the real Abby could tackle this one. 

Last week I served Bob something that was just not up to my usual high standards. Now. I have a million excuses. Goodness, I've been cleaning up my garden and nursing him back to health for a month of Sundays. 

(Do you know what that even means? I don't. I sure hope I used it correctly or I'm going to be hearing about it for who knows how long. "Blogging responsibility, putting one's best foot forward, using the tools available to me to make sure I'm doing just that....blah, blah, blah!") 

Anyway. Since I made a meal that needed just a touch more finesse, polish and wow factor, Bob has been telling this awful joke and I know it's aimed at me!

Here's his joke. "A guy goes into a diner. The waitress asks if he wants his usual. He replies, yes, weak coffee, runny eggs, burnt toast and chewy bacon. 'Charlie,' she says, 'I can't send the order in like that.' He says, oh, I thought that's how you did order it because that is the usual I've had every day this week." 

Then he laughs and laughs. 

Fern says he's an insensitive lug and I should dump him like a sack of potatoes.