Monday, August 21, 2017

Zula Fashion Rules #2 Bam! Color!

Repeat introduction: I am on a crusade to bring back class. Class, you might ask, is defined by taste, color palette awareness, and style. Last week we talked a little about rules. Bottom line. Don't wear pajama pants out in public.

Today is all about color.

Color palettes. Color makes the world spin, dears! And color is one of your ways to be you. You have your primaries and secondaries and monochromatic— of which a version is now called ombre near as I can figure out. 

Here are some tips for figuring out what colors to rock and rule the fashion in your life.

Which colors do you get compliments in? If it's yellow you are a rare creature. 

What eye color do you possess? If it's yellow you should see your doctor yesterday. Ha. Ha. Ha. 

Skin tone? See previous note. Sorry. I just couldn't resist. Eye color and skin tones do make a difference on what colors look great on you. Your biggest hint is the color you get compliments in.

Rule #1: Look through your closet. Hold items of different colors against your throat in a well lit room. Does black wash you out and make you almost disappear? Or look too harsh? Does yellow make you look ready for Shady Rest Nursing Home or cemetary? Does blue add depth to your eyes? How about red or pink bringing a healthy pink to your cheeks?

If pastels look divine against your hair, skin and eyes? By all means dress like a princess. Sparkles and pinks and lavenders and glittery mint and baby blue. Princess Divine.

Perchance you are the Madame of brights and bolds and look glorious in colors like lime, turquoise and flamingo. These are the staples of Florida. And with the Florida tan chances are you look stunning in these colors. This is the grown up sister to the pastel club. Add sequins and rock this palette, Madame! 

If you are more hippie in nature, dress to hide among the weeds in grays, beiges and browns. Fern rocks these colors. Make sure the fabrics are things like cotton, linen and hemp. We will call this category the Duchesses of Drab, or Earth if you must. When Fern is out of the bungalow, I can snap a photo of her closet and share it with you all, clothing lined up like boring little soldiers, not a hint of glitter anywhere. Her most poppy piece is the golden rain jacket I insisted she get. She does look pretty in that one.

Finally, do you have a very pale complexion and vivid blue eyes with dark, dark or shot through with silver hair? Well, then, dear, you are in the Divine Villain category of color. Queen of jewel tones should wear garnets, ruby, sapphire, emerald, and never, never, never be without cubic zirconia or crystals. Blood red, black, stark white, maroon. Embrace your inner daring diva. This style wears a single blood red ruby teardrop well. Or black leather. Leather and Florida are a tough sell, but you get the picture. Animal prints, anyone? Yes.

If you are lucky you can cross genres and find some in each category that you can pull off beautifully!

Get out there and be you, but a better version of you as you follow my advice. May you always shine with sequins and glow with uniqueness as you waft through life as the queen or princess you were meant to be. 

Monday, August 14, 2017

Zula's Style Rules #1

I spent quite a bit of time shopping last week. I found plenty of bargains and unfortunately, some really, really, really horrendous sights!

So now, I am on a crusade to bring back class. If you have ever been told you look like Jackie O, Princess Di or Nancy Reagan you are dismissed. If not let's begin with the basics. What is class, you might ask, class is defined by taste, color palette awareness, and style. 

We’ll start with style. Something that can be taught. And caught! A-hem! Listen up!

First lesson: 

Pajama pants are an abomination. Wearing hideous, oft-stained and shapeless garments in public should be punishable by firing squad. I'm sorry if this seems bold . . . wait a minute. No. No I'm not. Let me just say the next time I see pajama pants out in public there may be a depantsing. And just because I'm in my sixties and wear spiked heels doesn't mean I can't pull it off. Fern has me doing her yoga and Pilates moves. I can downward-face dog in seconds and I'm pretty sure that would be all it takes. As a matter of fact...Ladies, and for everything that is holy, Gentlemen, get rid of those pajama pants. Right now. I will file my nails while you are on your way to the dumpster. Don't even think about stepping a toe my direction until this is done. Feel free to start a fire and toss all of them into it. 

There. It took you so long to complete that task you get to partake of my freshly glossed Hibiscus Honey nail polish. In spite of the turtle's pace, thank you for your immediate obedience. I’m talking to those of you who did. If you have not, if you merely continued on reading while your neighbors removed fashion's most ghastly objects from their drawers, well, shame on you. 

Lesson 2: 

When I was a girl, pink and orange together was considered clashing. And white before Memorial Day or after Labor Day was nearly a scandal. I'd like to suggest you not be bound by all the fashion rules. Feel free to just use mine. 

If two colors look good together, they are fair game. Especially if you have a scarf or necklace that pulls the colors together. Di-VINE!

If multiple patterns scream fun to you, bring it on.

Dressing in two pieces like pants and top is yawn...boring. Your signature should include a third piece! A statement necklace, scarf, cardigan or vest! Easy peasy. Put on the two basics then crank the dial to Di-VINE and uniquely you by adding the cherry to the top of the sundae!!!

Should you need to command attention, dress bold and loud. Your ensemble should suggest the Price is Right theme song rather than a funeral dirge when you waltz into the room. 

Hone your style. Your style will be made up of the garments that are uniquely you. For example, the only way I'll wear anything from Fern's closet (any of the 30 items she has...yes, she is one of those kinds of people—30 items total) is if I'm dead before her and she dresses me. (In this event please look in the Classic Betty Crocker Cookbook page 32 for my wishes regarding which clothing I want to be buried in. I may be a fashion firecracker but I'm also practical. ) Try to shop for clothes where no one else goes. Or embellish the items you have. Embellishing guarantees uniqueness. Try a painting class and fabric paints. Oh, I have seen some doozies. Fern refuses to help me in this department so I'm forced to sew and bedazzle. 

Add a signature scent. Your signature scent should announce you to the room before you are seen and slowly dissipate after your departure. Feel free to use an already claimed scent but add embellishment there also. Such as lemon or other citrus oils, lavender, almond or vanilla. Add vanilla if you are shopping for love. More on that later.

Next week:  

Color palette is kindergarten level. We will be going back to preschool next week. Bring your sleeping mat and paste, kids!

Monday, August 7, 2017

GOLD MEDAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BETTER THAN BLUE RIBBONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my Goodness! My heart is nearly pounding out of my chest. (Fanning my face rapidly! No swooning when the news is this good, Zula! Getting a grip. Back to earth!) 

I have an announcement! 

Can you imagine anything more exciting than discovering a murder? And then the murderer? Right in our neighborhood? How about taking one "for the team?" Let's not forget my major injury! 

Well!!!! The book containing OUR STORY hit #1 in TWO that is TWO, not a typo. TWO CATEGORIES! 

Don't go look. We aren't there any more. But for shining, GLORIOUS hours in time we were the number #1! ONE!!!!! Doesn't get better than that!!! NUMBER #1 in TWO categories of Amazon Kindle book sales. (I am most offended the author who discovered this did NOT take a picture!) 

I told buyers (okay, it was a free download, but still, they had to invest!!!) that I'd give them a free Zula-extrodinaire recipe for their trouble. 

I'm going to make it spectacular. It's going to be a creation. And that takes time, and tweaking. It will have to be GOLD medal, BLUE ribbon and #1 in TWO categories good. 

In the meantime. A little teaser... a life hint that can make three ho-hum good-enough ingredients SHINE like a golden hued mirage on the dessert table. Take this token idea and own it. You deserve the treat. The GOLDEN MEDAL preview if you will. Ready? 

Grab some ice cream. Any flavor. Place it on the counter for about 10-15 minutes. Now. If your house is as cool as a crypt you might need a bit longer. If you are in the humid, hot-as-hades region of the southerly states, a little less. You want the ice cream to soften. Not melt, soften. Take chocolate-chip or sugar cookies. Those dreadful store brand in the package if you'd like. Even the ones at the Dollar Store, those crunchy, blah, semi-cardboard sugar-bombs of meh. While your ice cream is softening scrounge around for sprinkles, chopped nuts, mini chocolate chips, crushed candy bars, toasted coconut whatever you think would be a nice touch with the flavors you've chosen. Sugar cookies with orange sherbet and toasted coconut. Chocolate chip cookies with strawberry ice cream and sprinkles or mini chocolate chips. Chocolate chip with chocolate chip cookie dough rolled in mini chocolate chips. Oh my! The sea of possibilities. Chocolate chip cookies filled with oreo cookie ice cream and rolled in crushed cookie crumbs. Cookie Delight! 

Plop a scoop of ice cream onto a cookie backside. Cover with another cookie backside and squeeze just a little til ice cream comes to the edge. If too much mooshes out use your finger to remove it so you don't end up with a hump. Don't serve friends cookies with humps (you can save those for yourself!) Roll the edge with the ice cream peeking out into whatever bits you found. Place back into the freezer for a half hour or longer to let it firm back up. Then redip/reroll your cookie ice cream sandwich again, pressing a little to pick up any more goodness or to cover any bald spots! Place back into the freezer until you are ready to eat them!!!! Fake Gourmet deliciousness. 

Now if you want to truly make this GOLD MEDAL worthy make your own cookies and ice cream. That'll wow them. 

Stay tuned for "the" recipe. The queen mother of deliciousness.  And thanks for making our story #1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!