I spent quite a bit of time shopping last week. I found plenty of bargains and unfortunately, some really, really, really horrendous sights!
So now, I am on a crusade to bring back class. If you have ever been told you look like Jackie O, Princess Di or Nancy Reagan you are dismissed. If not let's begin with the basics. What is class, you might ask, class is defined by taste, color palette awareness, and style.
We’ll start with style. Something that can be taught. And caught! A-hem! Listen up!
First lesson:
Pajama pants are an abomination. Wearing hideous, oft-stained and shapeless garments in public should be punishable by firing squad. I'm sorry if this seems bold . . . wait a minute. No. No I'm not. Let me just say the next time I see pajama pants out in public there may be a depantsing. And just because I'm in my sixties and wear spiked heels doesn't mean I can't pull it off. Fern has me doing her yoga and Pilates moves. I can downward-face dog in seconds and I'm pretty sure that would be all it takes. As a matter of fact...Ladies, and for everything that is holy, Gentlemen, get rid of those pajama pants. Right now. I will file my nails while you are on your way to the dumpster. Don't even think about stepping a toe my direction until this is done. Feel free to start a fire and toss all of them into it.
There. It took you so long to complete that task you get to partake of my freshly glossed Hibiscus Honey nail polish. In spite of the turtle's pace, thank you for your immediate obedience. I’m talking to those of you who did. If you have not, if you merely continued on reading while your neighbors removed fashion's most ghastly objects from their drawers, well, shame on you.
Lesson 2:
When I was a girl, pink and orange together was considered clashing. And white before Memorial Day or after Labor Day was nearly a scandal. I'd like to suggest you not be bound by all the fashion rules. Feel free to just use mine.
If two colors look good together, they are fair game. Especially if you have a scarf or necklace that pulls the colors together. Di-VINE!
If multiple patterns scream fun to you, bring it on.
Dressing in two pieces like pants and top is yawn...boring. Your signature should include a third piece! A statement necklace, scarf, cardigan or vest! Easy peasy. Put on the two basics then crank the dial to Di-VINE and uniquely you by adding the cherry to the top of the sundae!!!
Should you need to command attention, dress bold and loud. Your ensemble should suggest the Price is Right theme song rather than a funeral dirge when you waltz into the room.
Hone your style. Your style will be made up of the garments that are uniquely you. For example, the only way I'll wear anything from Fern's closet (any of the 30 items she has...yes, she is one of those kinds of people—30 items total) is if I'm dead before her and she dresses me. (In this event please look in the Classic Betty Crocker Cookbook page 32 for my wishes regarding which clothing I want to be buried in. I may be a fashion firecracker but I'm also practical. ) Try to shop for clothes where no one else goes. Or embellish the items you have. Embellishing guarantees uniqueness. Try a painting class and fabric paints. Oh, I have seen some doozies. Fern refuses to help me in this department so I'm forced to sew and bedazzle.
Add a signature scent. Your signature scent should announce you to the room before you are seen and slowly dissipate after your departure. Feel free to use an already claimed scent but add embellishment there also. Such as lemon or other citrus oils, lavender, almond or vanilla. Add vanilla if you are shopping for love. More on that later.
Next week:
Color palette is kindergarten level. We will be going back to preschool next week. Bring your sleeping mat and paste, kids!
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