Stories from Paradise - Fern's Portrait

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Fern and I are doing a little storytelling for fun. 

Every day we'll load lines into this post and build an ongoing tale and we'll uhhh toot? No, twirp...like chirp but it's a bird symbol webbie thing. Anyway. We'll add a bit of the story there at that website thing with the bird and here and people can click on it and come see the whole thing as it unfolds here. Does that sound like fun? You know it. So fun! So come back every single day. 

So first we will start with Fern. 

We will call it. 



Fern's Portrait

A fog of Brut announced Delbert's arrival a full minute before Fern heard the scritch-scratch of his shoes sliding across the linoleum. The tension in her shoulders ratcheted righty-tighty. She couldn't stop a sigh. Not that he'd hear it. As bad as that sounded, the thought really wasn't an unkind one about a shuffling elderly man, half deaf because of infirmary. Instead it was just the dad-blamed truth about a man as stubborn and clueless as any could be. And she had a bounty of experience with stubborn and clueless in her 67 years. 

"Ferny. How's it going today?" 

Following a snort-laugh, Delbert's unwelcome words destroyed her peace as she set her paintbrush down on her palette and turned to face him. 

"Great, Delbert. I hope you won't be offended if I continue to work on my project."  

She turned sideways, back to the canvas, hoping and wishing that today he wouldn't take the conversation to the bad place. But he always did.

"Makes no difference to me. I like any view." He hacked and spit into her sink.

She fought a gag.

"So." He chuckled slightly. Here it came. It was coming. Maybe she didn't need to hear the words again. With a quick flick of the wrist she tipped her water over and it sloshed onto the linoleum. "Oh, goodness. How clumsy.You better stay back, you don't want to slip."

Welcome silence reigned for a moment while she bent to sop up the liquid, then came the wheezy chortle. "This might be my favorite view."

A small, white-hot flame of indignation burned in her gut as she wiped up the water.In not wanting to hear his disgusting request, she was subjected again to his disrespect. How did one turn the other cheek in this type of situation? Or was it time to once and for all put the absolute fear of God into this pompous and offensive man with some of her well practiced Tai Chi moves that would be more than fast enough to disable him?

But he hadn't acted out physically. Instead he was trying to subdue her emotionally, wasn't he? Power, control, diminishing her. This battle was psychological.

How many times had men taken this approach and left behind broken women?

Men who were not real men at all, but men who hid their snaky souls behind backward "compliments" and demeaning sweet-nothings. She stood. "Delbert. It's time for you to leave. You are not welcome here."

He straightened then and thrust out his chin. His eyes glinted with something dangerous. There was a little bit of wolf left in the old man. Just enough of a stance to convince her once and for all that he wasn't an innocent fool. But a predator. 

"That's mighty unfriendly of you, Little Lady. I was just showing my respect for the great artist, Fern Hopkins. Offering my modeling services. And I was considering offering other parts of my life." 

Fern grew a bit taller than her 5 foot 4 inches in that moment. "Delbert. Your attention is not flattering. It's creepy.

You do not look at me as if I am a human being to be valued and respected. You treat me like I am nothing but a diversion, someone to toy with, a challenge of some sort. I will not be disrespected." With every word her self-respect grew, as did the volume of her voice and the passion in her words.

Her southern nice lady, sweet little senior citizen "should lists" burst into flames and she let them burn brightly.

"I am not interested in painting you as a nude subject. I am not interested in any other part of your life. I do not find you to be a kind man, nor gentle. I am respectfully asking you to leave me alone. And I'm warning you that if you ever offer to pose nude for me again, that I will at best slap you across your arrogant face. And at worst become a woman of fury unleashed to teach you that I am a human being worthy of respect. Now! Leave!" 

At some point in the middle of her tirade, Delbert's mouth had dropped open.

By the time she finished he was simply a flawed, broken human being again. This time with no hint of danger. Fern's compassion began to bank in the coals of her rage. Oh, the wretchedness of humanity. The choices made for others. The imposition of others wills on weaker souls.Times of victimization and times of brutality against self and others.

She took in a deep breath. This time the Brut was merely an afterthought instead of a tidal wave on her senses. The smell of the wet paint was stronger. "Delbert. I think it is high time for you to choose to become a better human being.It is time for all of us, no matter where we are in life, to choose to become better human beings. I hope for you to be able to respect yourself and that will pour out as respect for others. I also hope you choose to live out your final days with a dignity that a man who has lived well deserves."

Delbert nodded his head. "Thank you, Fern.

I hope you have a good night." And he turned and walked a out of the room. Just like that.

The final click of the outer door signaled that he had gone.

Fern picked up her paintbrush. She cleaned it and washed the paint off her plastic palette. The canvas she'd been working on went on its side and she picked different colors.Tonight she was going to paint a different picture. A very different picture because she was quite certain something in her heart had just changed and she was excited to see what was going to end up on the canvas.

     ...the end

This Just In...

Before I reveal whether or not Fern wore the tasteful hat I made for her...before I reveal another annoying thing about that woman! Before I share the weather catastrophe that ruined my outfit...before I share Fern's recipe I want to share this. Our story of murder and mayhem is on sale. Well better than that. It's on sale for free if you have one of those reader devices. Click here to go there. 

That is correct. For two days. It's free. No excuses not to read about how Fern and I helped to save all of Paradise. It's really a big deal. Bad stuff was going down. And with our help Detective Flynn saved the day (and a damsel, but I'm not supposed to talk about the "relationship" anymore, but between you and me, I'm expecting wedding bells. Fern's going to kill me, again.) I'll tell you, though, keeping Paradise safe is worth all the scars I received while nearly laying down my life for my neighbors. 

And. Fern did NOT wear the hat. Did NOT. But even if she had it would have probably not been on for long. 

Go get your free book. (there are others, too. Here's a list.) 
Murder of a Manuscript                                                                                              

Shock the Clock                                                                                                          

Common Mistakes Writers Make: Editing and Proofreading                                                

Firsts In Fiction: First Line Hooks, Hints & Help                                                      

Crashing Into Love - Where Personal Tragedies, Faith, & Love Collide                   

The Chamomile                                                                                                           

Out of the Frying Pan   (By the way, this does have 4.3 stars out of 5...so not only is it our story, but it's a good story...Just sayin.)                                                                                               

Searching for Sanity - Help for Moms from Moms of the Bible                                

Racin' Flat Out for Christ - Daily Devotions for NASCAR Fans                              

Why You Do What You Do - Your Personality is the Key  

And come back next week where I will share all the promised details in the first paragraph. Now. I have some serious cleanup to do! 

Free Book and Minestroneyumm Soup

This just in! A copy of our story is being given away! Go here http://bit.ly/2nBaveJ ! 

Now here we go! To the other good stuff! I'm the best at scratch cooking. Not tooting my own horn, I'm just stating the facts. One day I might have to share testimonials to this fact. I have a notebook full of statements, comments and a blue ribbon from every state fair I've ever entered! 

But being a good cook means choosing your battles. I have to decide if I want to spend my time and energy on creativity or chopping things. Now. I love the feeling of chopping. It's a very satisfying stress reliever (especially with Fern around...I do so much chopping therapy) and the released scents can be just heavenly. But I will use a food processor like nobody's business if one will be a useful tool and free me up to be creative! 

That said I am not opposed to dump and go type meals. Soups are one of these. 


Today I share my minestrone style soup. Using fresh, frozen or canned ingredients you can make a restaurant quality soup. Delicious!

To cut down on sodium use home prepped dry beans, a homemade pesto and frozen or fresh veggies.

1 can of kidney beans (approx 15 ounce) (dump the juices down the sink, rinse and drain) 
1 can of white or great northern beans (approx 15 ounce) (dump the juice down the sink, rinse and drain) (use your own home canned beans 1 and 3/4 cups if you like) 
2 cans of diced tomatoes with garlic, basil and oregano (approx 15 ounce each) (you could substitute chunky spaghetti sauce here.) (Or chopped fresh or canned tomatoes and add dried Italian spice (about a TBSP) and 2 - 3 cloves minced garlic)
Veggie broth (or chicken) (approx 4-5 cups) 
1 Cup of pesto sauce (you can use one that you've created, your favorite recipe, or store bought) 
1 Can of chopped spinach or 1 1/2 cups chopped frozen or fresh. 
1 Can (13-16 ounce) vegetable of choice. I used asparagus for kicks. I think I will use artichoke hearts in the future or green beans.
1 Cup pasta of choice. 
A Handful of quinoa Rinse it first if it's not prewashed. The package will say so.  

Put everything but the pasta in a crock or soup pot and stir well. Simmer for 4-6 hours. Add the dry pasta an hour before serving. Stir well and continue simmering.  

This Just In

Another copy of "the book" has become available to win. It's true.

All you have to do is jump stage left to a Rafflecopter giveaway and cross your little fingers. 

Note: Please think long and hard about this. Our story is one of several the author is giving away. Don't accidentally pick one of her other titles. 

Honestly, ours is the best in the bunch. Normally, she writes about innocent little women thrust into dangerous, uncomfortable places and historical times with nothing but their wits and handsome, flawed men to save them. Oh, and God, He always shows up. I'm thinking wits and God are enough but that sure would be kind of a not so historical romance. Ha. Ha. And her male characters are kind of FABIO if you know what I mean, so I'd miss the whole hub-hubba experience. 

So if you pick one of her other books, I guess I'll just have to be okay. That means you'll just have to buy our story then. 

Baby needs a new pair of shoes. 

International AGAIN. Hello from Sicily.

Alas. Not me. I'm not in Sicily. But the authors aren't either, so that helps my jealousy level! 

The book says hello. That cup of coffee looks delicious as well. Italian coffee. Oh my! 

Maybe I'm inspired, too. I think I'm going to whip up some Tiramisu Cookies to drown the last bit of jealousy away! 

OOOOhhhh Moonstruck!

I missed the Super Moon. 

I didn't miss it, miss it. But Bobbykins was out of town for a few days. And when he returned to Paradise he was laid up with back issues. Those long car trips are rough on him. 

While others were gazing into each others' eyes and whispering sweet nothings including proposals of marriage while the huge moon crept out of the horizon and into the sky I was serving chicken noodle soup and changing out ice packs. I did make this recipe. You have to go to the lady's blog to get it. One of the writer sent it in and FORGOT to tell everyone that it's my recipe. Oh. They have a book giveaway, too. 

Anyhoo!!!! I pointed the moon out once or five times to Bob. Even suggested we try to sit outside for a bit. He grunted. I'm sure there was love and maybe a little awe in those grunts, but that's all I got. 

So I had to live vicariously through pictures. 

Have you seen some of them? Ooooh baby, that was one huge moon. 

While looking at pictures I found out some facts, too. (Don't worry, even though I saw it on Facebook I'm sure it's accurate. They said it came from Scientific American.)  

Dogs are more likely to end up in the emergency room. I hugged Fifi extra tight after reading that fact. Shudder. I had her out and about with me, coming and going. The little thing probably has post dramatic stress issues because of the whole murder fiasco and near death of her mommies. Oh, gracious. I'm so glad I missed this fact before the moon or I would have had her on lock down, behind Fern's closed door where there is literally nothing she could hurt herself with. Fern has a desk and a bedside table and nothing on the walls. Or surfaces. It's worse than a hotel. At least hotels have colors. Not Fern. Fifi would have definitely gotten post dramatic distress from that. 

One of the other facts. Plants grow better during full moons. Woot! Woot! The garden club meets in my garden the day after tomorrow. That means I'm going to be full flower. So I can still claim something wonderful from that big old moon.  

Gotta go take care of the Bobbis. He's feeling better but still needs a little TLC. And I like to call it ZLC cuz with Zula on the move Loving Care is off the charts. Full super moon TLC. Now just to freshen up and sprinkle that extra cinnamon love on those muffins. The man is going to be moonstruck without the benefit of Super Moon. 

Romance. Pitter, Patter, Heart!!!

💖💖💖 Oooooh, I just love romantic stories. Be still my heart. My Bobbykins made me a tape or ddd or whatever those things are called of my favorite romantic movies scenes. Now I can stick it in our player or use my computer to swoon for six whole hours if I want. One of my favorites is Return to Me when he rides up on the bike with the nun sitting on the handle bars and he tells Grace how much he loves her. 

Ooooohhh and that movie is full of Frank Sinatra. Flutter. Flutter little heart. 💖💖💖

I like to take the little lap computer into the kitchen and just play the thing while I cook. When I look up I can swoon, swoon, swoon while I stir, stir, stir. I think Bob is a smart man. He just loves my cooking and he has found the way to inspire me. I come up with some creative concoctions while I'm dreaming of love. 💖💖💖 

💖One of the writers has a romantic story she shared. You can see it here. And she's giving a book away, too!!!! 

Whew! Here We go Again

I think that title sounded cranky. Well, Fern just said it did, I'm pretty sure it didn't but if I don't type this now she's going to pester me until I do. 

Housekeeping issue resolved. 

What I meant by the title was that one of the writers forgot to let me know about a post...a guest post where she shared one of MY RECIPES!!!! 

Zula's Siren Cinnamon Muffins. If you'd like the recipe then head on over here. 

And the other writer was interviewed at this on-line magazine and maybe talked a little about me. The magazine is free for the next 36 hours or so. Download the free kindle app for computer or phone and then click buy now. The cost will be zero through the 15th. There are loads of interesting things in the magazine. And hopefully much about Fern and me because without us/ our story these writers are just a lot of hot air.