Tuesday, January 24, 2017

The Unfortunate Thing That Happened. Send Comforts, and Fifi, PLEASE!

I didn't plan of blogging tonight. I was going to soak my feet in Lavender Decadent Delight bath salts. 

But I'm stuck in the office above the "Scene of the MURDER." Yes! That office where other horrible things happened and we nearly!!!!!  Must not go there. 

I'm hiding here because Fern wants to dispatch me.At least that's what she shrieked at me as the door was slamming behind me.  

Why? Because the price of beauty is pain. Women know this. Don't we? You can't be beautiful without breaking a sweat or having attached items such as hairs ripped out of their little homes. Speaking of hair, which one of us didn't whimper when our mothers' wound those little curlers up so we could sleep on them and look like little Shirley Temple when we woke the next morning? Or at least the combing out the rats nests. Torture! This beauty lesson is instilled early on. 

You'd think Fern would have this one down. 

The other day I caught her in full on side illumination. And I noticed her eyebrows looked like wooly caterpillars. If you've never seen these they hang out in the Midwest and they predict the winter weather. Okay. Probably this is not true but "they say" that the more crazy haired those little fellas get the more likely we are to have a long winter. 

In Florida this does not matter. Unless they happen to reside over your sister-in-laws' eyes and you become obsessed with fixing this problem. Which I did. I pestered and nagged and cajoled Fern into letting me do her brows. I was relentless and it cost me. I have to remove three silk floral arrangements from the "shared" rooms and find locations for them in my bedroom. And I have to make three dessert recipes using her "tweaks" to make them healthier. And I got a solid pinch out of the deal, too. Right on the tender part of my side when the unthinkable happened. Of course I ran out of there as fast as my Valentino's could take me. 

Don't judge me. You would have done the same. I mean I had the wax and strips right there. The sun was streaming in giving me perfect visibility. Fern was distracted with the eyebrow letting session. How was I to know that I might pull off some skin with the teeny gal-statche? 

Now she's lopsided. A smudge of an oops on one side and a tiny little patch of silver on the other.   

I should have brought a sleeping bag. And Fifi. And my foot bath massager and my soaking solution. And maybe some candles and flowers. I think I might be here awhile! 

Also. Don't even judge me on the lack of a picture. I was fleeing for my life.  

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